Dreams Don't Always Come True
by Artistard3
Summary: "Dear everyone, By the time you find this, hopefully, I will be dead. I wrote personal messages to everyone that has made an impact in my life. Please give these to who they are addressed to. Thanks. Love, Rachel." (Rated T for language)
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note:**

** I want this to be sort of ambiguous, so I'm not going to tell you whose point of view this chapter is in. I found this from a while ago, and I never uploaded it because I was scared of what people would think of it. This was actually only a part of a fanfic I wrote about Rachel's suicide, but I decided I only wanted to upload the suicide note. I think it is better that way. I completely forgot about it, but I decided to finish it and upload it. All of the following chapters are going to be Rachel's suicide notes addressed to individual people. They're going to be short. Thanks for reading (:**

**Oh, and please review to tell me if you liked this. I might do other fanfics this way if people actually like this.**

* * *

"_**Dear Diary,**_

_**'Hey manhands, have you heard from your mom yet? Oh wait, she adopted my baby, and doesn't even want you anymore'-Quinn Fabray. That was what was said to me on my way to third block. Also, I had two refreshing red slushie facials in the morning in which everybody laughed at me. Except Finn. He actually told Karofsky to back off. So thank you, Finn (for when you see this if my suicide goes according to plan)...Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really don't see the point in living anymore. It's not like I want attention; I just can't do this anymore.I'm worthless. People only like me because of my voice, which I have been told is still "really awful," which hurts more than calling me short. Or fat. Or annoying. Yes, those hurt. But my voice, that's all I have. Quinn, Santana and Brittany have cheerleading. Finn, Puck, and Matt have football. Kurt has his fashion sense, and Tina has her stutter (which is fake, by the way. She used to be friends with me. At least I thought she was). All of the kids at our school have something that they do more than anything else. I have my voice. And when I was told this past month, although I haven't sung a solo for two months, (yes I have been counting, and yes, nobody noticed), the glee club has still managed to take that away from me. Without my voice, I'm just an abrasive, conceited, big-nosed, fat, and annoying Jewish girl, who would be better off dead. Which is why I am doing what I am about to do. I mean, I gave it two days, but nobody noticed my change in behavior but Finn. And that's just not enough for me to want to stay here. I'm so sorry. I was cut free for 13 days. Woo hoo! Except for tonight. Tonight, I am going to kill myself. I've kinda been waiting to do this for a while, but now I feel like I need to just go for it. I hope people will see that words actually hurt. I tried to convince myself that I didn't need to do this, but I just really want to. I have to. I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm done.**_

_**Love, Rachel Barbra Berry**_

When I shut her diary, I can feel the tears in the corner of my eye. I hate how she felt this bad about herself. I open up the sheets of paper. There are about two stappled together. Rachel's handwriting definitely looks messier, and shaky. I don't know. It's not in a straight line either. It's not the "Rachel" I remember. She used to have this enchanted cursive. It was hard for me to read, but I still liked it.

_Dear everyone,_

_By the time you find this, hopefully, I will be dead. I just wanted to say that killing myself is what is best for me, and apparently for all of you all too. I wrote a message to everybody that has made an impact in my life, both positive and negative. These are just my true feelings. I just wanted to let everybody know what I actually think of you, partly in case you were wondering, but also because I just needed to write this all down. Yes, this is my suicide note, and I know that most likely Finn or Dad and Daddy are going to be the ones to find this, so can you make sure you read this and let the people I mentioned in here read this too? Thank you._


	2. Quinn

_Quinn,_

_I don't know why you hate me so much, but I just wanted to tell you that yes, you definitely are one of the reasons I killed myself. So go fuck yourself. I'm sorry you got pregnant, and that your parents kicked you out of your house, I really am. Mercedes literally let you live with her, because she was being a friend to you. Yet once the baby is all out of your life, you forget about everyone who helped you along the way. That's what's wrong with you. I know that somewhere under that superficial bitch persona you try to put on, you're a sweet little girl who has a huge heart. But you should be embracing it, not hiding it. I don't know what I ever did to get you to hate me this much, but I know that you're actually a nice person. Anyway, I hate you for what you said to me, especially about Shelby replacing me with Beth. Mostly because I know it's the truth. I am worthless. You were only pointing it out. So, in a way, thank you. And please just try to be a little bit nicer to everyone. You don't need to act like a bitch to be popular. I don't know why you think you have to. It doesn't matter anymore though. But I do feel like in a different world, maybe you and I could have been friends. I guess that's it. Enjoy your life, free from the "freak" who caused you so much trouble. I'm out of your way now._


	3. Santana

_Santana,_

_Fuck you. I don't think you have ever said one nice thing to me. You and Quinn are the main reasons I am resorting to suicide. I just can't take it anymore. Your little comments about what I wear to school, or my voice, or my height, or religion, or appearance... They all hurt. They cut into me and I pick out every little thing that you say. You were the reason I started cutting. That, and my dad's never being home. I know that just like Quinn, although I definitely haven't seen it lately, you have a huge heart, and you're just being a cold hearted bitch because that's what you were taught when you were young. At least I hope so. You are so much better than this. You and Quinn both are. I hope you finally come out as being a Lesbian to our school, and that Brittany's sweetness rubs off on you. And I hope you find some happiness in your life so that you don't live to be an old crazy bitch that everyone hates and who also hates everyone, too._


	4. Brittany

_Brittany,_

_The only mean things you have ever really said to me were most likely said because Santana told you too. So I forgive you. I know you didn't really mean what you said. You're a sweet girl. You're smart. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And I know for a fact that you have a really big heart. And yes, I'm really gone, sweetie. I'm not coming back. Tell Santana that you don't like when she's mean to people, because I know that you don't like it either._


	5. Tina

_Tina, _

_Remember when we used to be friends when we were little? We were unstoppable. But we had different dreams, and we drifted in different directions. You were only mean to me on occasion, and you are a follower, so I expected that from you. Thanks for our friendship; at least when we were young. I'm going to remember that version of the Tina Cohen- Chang. Not the version who ignores me. You are such a great person, Tina, and you shouldn't be afraid to show the real you. Even though I was afraid, and I did show the real me, I'm glad I did. Although I was picked on for being true to myself, I'm glad I didn't die feeling like I wasn't being honest with myself about myself. Because that would probably feel worse than feeling what I'm feeling right now: worthless._


	6. Mike

_Mike,_

_You're a great dancer. Make sure that everyday you feel like giving up on your dreams, that you push forward. I wish I could listen to the advice that I'm giving you, but it is just so hard because of all of this pain I am in. I just can't physically pretend that I'm okay anymore. Thanks for being so nice to me. Thanks for not making me feel absolutely worthless. You and Tina make a great couple. I'm really going to miss you. Thanks for everything._


	7. Artie

_Artie,_

_I kind of admire you. I know it didn't seem like it, but for this past year, I have literally, and I still do, hate myself. I picked and pick out all my flaws. But you don't. You don't let the fact that you're in a wheelchair control your life. You're extraordinary, and you are also a great singer. You should have more solos! (Never thought you would hear me say that, right? Ha!) Also, controlling a wheelchair is super hard. You're very good at it. And you're an amazing dancer. Bravo. Thanks for not making me hate myself. I appreciate it more than you will ever know._


	8. Mercedes

_Mercedes,_

_Hey, diva! I know you don't necessarily like me, but I know you don't hate me like most people. Sure, you've said your share of mean comments to me, but mostly, I know that having me has made you better. It made you want to beat someone. And I think you might have. We were in the original glee club together, and I think that since I heard you sing, I was threatened by your voice. But don't think you can just not practice and continue to sing wonderfully. Keep practicing. And also, share the solos you get in place with Kurt. You are truly a great singer, and you have a big heart. Thank you._


	9. Kurt

_Kurt,_

_Like Artie, I admire you too. You were bullied because of your sexuality, but you're so much stronger than I am, Kurt. I know you probably know what I am feeling like the most, so I just wanted to say that I had a soft spot for you. You were never really mean to me. You're just as ambitious and determined as me. You weren't one of the reasons I decided to kill myself, though. What's funny, is that, for a little while, I thought that maybe you were my friend. I could have used a friend like you. But that's fine. I know I don't make the best first impressions on people, so it's not your fault. Your fashion sense is to die for (is this a bad time to joke about that? Haha!) and your voice is amazing. Keep singing and don't be afraid to show off your inner diva! I told Mercedes to share the solos with you. Make sure you share too._


	10. Matt

_Matt,_

_Whenever you are now, I wanted you to know that I enjoyed the time we spent together in Glee club before you left. You were really nice to me. And I wish I could have been your friend, but that's okay. You're a great dancer and football player. Have a good life, wherever you are._


	11. Puck

_Noah,_

_Except for when you first started throwing slushies at me, you have always been really sweet to me. You even defended me once or twice when Finn didn't. I know that us Jews have to stick together, and we have kinda been friends since I broke up with you. I'm really glad I met you, and I know that Shelby will take good care of Beth, although I am kind of jealous of her. Thank you Noah, for letting me be the only one besides your family to call you Noah. I just hate calling you Puck. You are all badass and stuff, but you are also sweet and nice , as much as you hate when people tell you that. You should sing more, too. I love your voice. Promise you'll sing more, okay? Thanks for everything._


	12. Finn

_Finn,_

_I am so sorry that I had to do this. I love you so much, and I hope you love me just as much as I love you. I thought about talking to you about my problems, but I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't explain the pain and worthlessness I feel inside. It doesn't even make sense to me, since I used to be so confident I was going to get out of this town and become a broadway legend. You are definitely not part of the reason I did what I did. Don't think for a second you are. I knew you only broke up with me because you were upset. I deserved it. You were the first boy who made me feel loved. And special. And sexy. And visible. So thank you. I hope you find a girl that makes you happy. You made me happy. Remember that. I love your voice Finn. I love when you sing, and especially when you sing and dance, even if you broke my nose. I am so sorry I'm leaving you, but I don't want you to mope around and be all depressed when I'm gone. This isn't your fault. Thank you for coming into my life. You are part of the reason I put off committing suicide for so long. I was worried about what you would do. You'll be okay. I know you will. I love you so much. You're so sweet, and you have such a big heart. Take care, Finn. And don't stop believing. In anything. No matter what. I love you._


	13. Mr Schuester

_Mr. Schuester,_

_I just wanted to thank you for staying with glee club. At first, you always had my back, and you were my favorite teacher. Hell, I even had a brief crush on you. But this year especially, I have started to dislike you even more. You are basically one of the biggest reasons for my suicide, by the way. I know that's bad, and I probably shouldn't be saying this to my teacher, but now that I am gone, you should know how I really feel about you: I just really fucking hate you. You never listen to my ideas (which are better than any of the ones anyone else suggests. Nobody ever suggests any ideas, anyway. I know you may think I have way too many ideas, and that they're all bad, so I'm sorry. I know I used to be bossy and selfish, and abrasive and conceited, and that you may still look at me this way. I know everybody still looks at me this way. I just wanted you to know that I haven't sung a solo in glee club for two months, yet you still tell me to be a team player, and to give others a chance to sing. I have. The worst part about that, is that you never noticed I stopped singing. I thought you liked me, or at least could tolerate me more than any other adult in my life, but I guess I was wrong. Mercedes hadn't sung in glee club for three days, you noticed her. When Kurt hadn't sung for a week, you noticed him. So why is it that you never noticed me? I know you say you like everyone in the glee club the same, but I know that just like everybody in this stupid club, or in this stupid town, you only tolerated me because of my voice. You are the one who was supposed to defend me. You are the adult. You are the teacher. You were my teacher. When I got called names and when I got insulted, every single day, you never stood up for me. I know that maybe I should have stood up for myself. But It could have been helpful to have an adults help, too. Somebody should tell people like Santana and Quinn that it's not acceptable behavior in the first place. Words hurt, okay? Do you not get that? They cut into me like knives. I'm sure you have no idea what it's like to be called names and to be insulted, every single day. I know that Sue comments about your hair and stuff. But that's just teasing. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff people call me. It just hurts. Everything. So I just wanted you to know that kind of I hate you. Actually, I do hate you. I established that at the beginning of this particular suicide note. You had the power to get them to stop. But you were always busy trying to get Mrs. Pillsbury to notice you. Or you just didn't care. You stood up for Kurt when he was bullied, but not for me. Not once. I pretended to let those insults roll of my back, but those insults and comments all hurt. They hurt so badly, that everyday when I got home from glee club, I would sob into my pillow, deciding whether that moment should be the moment I killed myself. But I just can't take it anymore. And if you were to tell the glee club to stop, maybe they would have. And maybe I would still be here. You say that glee club is a family, and that we all have each others backs. I just don't understand what you mean. Families don't insult each other to the point where someone has to self harm to rid themselves of the pain they feel. My family may be unusual. But I sure as hell know that glee club definitely does __**not feel**_ _like a family__**. **__And I most definitely did not feel welcome. I don't know where all this bitterness toward you is coming from, but I think it is because I was looking for someone to blame everything on. When Glee club first started, I really looked up to you, Mr. Schue. (Literally. You're still a lot taller than me. Everyone is.) Even though you haven't been there for me that recently, there were times when you were there for me. You stood up for me (sometimes) and you convinced me to come back to Glee whenever I had a storm out. So thank you, Mr. Schue. For the good and the bad. Take care. Please help the other kids like me fight for what they want. Let them know that they can accomplish whatever they want, as long as they keep trying. Help them achieve their dreams, since I couldn't myself._


	14. Glee club as a whole

_To the Glee club as a whole,_

_I just wanted to say that even though I'll be dead when you find this, I did want to be big and famous. Before I knew what being so worthless felt like, I had dreams. I knew what I wanted to be and I knew where I was gonna go and what I was gonna do. I have memories about what I was like, back when I was happy (even before I was just pretending to be happy). But those are memories, and they have almost completely vanished. Those happy memories already seem vague and forgotten, like a dream where the details get fainter and blurrier the harder you try to grasp them. You all obviously know that I was annoying and completely obsessed with telling everyone I was going to be a star. But that was because that was the only thing in my life I believed wholeheartedly. I wish I could have been strong, and maybe held on a little longer, but I'm not as strong as I or everyone thought I am. I wish you all luck with Nationals. Maybe you all can win without me. So good luck. I love you all._


	15. Dad and Daddy

_Dad and Daddy,_

_I love you both with all my heart. I am so sorry that I had to do this, but the pain was too much to bear. I did this because of all the torment in school, which I lied to you about. About how extreme it was. But also, I did it because you guys weren't here for me. I did this because Shelby basically replaced me with a better version (aka the daughter of the girl who is one of the top on my list of who made me want to kill myself). You were never here. I just want this all to be over. Don't worry. I'll always be your little star. I love you all so much. Please don't mourn over my death for too long. I don't want that. Anyway, I have amazing memories with both of you. Also, tell Shelby that I was glad I had the opportunity to meet her, although I dislike her decision to raise Beth instead of me, I know that Shelby will be a great mom. I love you both so much. Please don't forget that._


	16. Everyone else

_To everyone else who wasn't personally mentioned, whether you impacted my life positively or negatively, thank you. I know that I'm better off dead. It's what I want. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I guess everything that I do comes out that way anyway. I love you all, especially the glee club. Also, the people who brought me to this, and the people who didn't do anything at all. _

_Goodbye,_

_Rachel Barbra Berry_


End file.
